You're shitting me right?

This morning as I was rummaging through my cupboard, the resident medic came along, passed me a piece of paper and a small bottle with what looked like a small spoon hanging from the centre of the bottle cap. "Huh?", I enquired. "This is for your stool sample, sir...", si bebudak medic tu berhujah. "My WHAT?!", I asked again, incredulous... "This bottle is to collect your shit, sir!," the medic said again trying not to smirk... Apparently, after one has reached a certain age in my organisation, one has to go through some tests to ensure one is in tip-top condition to effectively defend the nation ;) I've already done my ECG before flying off to Thailand 3 months ago. I remembered this new medic navigating...NAVIGATING (!) using his needle whilst it was IN MY ARMS!!! He was trying to find my veins but couldn't and had to turn the tip of the needle here and there in my forearms! I had to switch arms as he can't 're-use' the same one. Nasib baik gua maintain beb...sapa takut jarum confirm pengsan on the spot. But before he could DO my other arm, I hollered out to all the medics present in the room and said that whomever can draw blood from me without needing to navigate with the needle stuck inside would have free breakfast!!! So this Melayu medic came along and took over from my first medic who had been sweating profusely. He took all of 1 minute to draw blood from me for the blood test. No incident, no navigating, no sweat. Gua caya sama lu lah Melayu! I gave the first medic a choice of getting extra duties or belanja me to breakfast for his earlier jaunt into my veins. Obviously he chose the latter. And so I told the Melayu medic, there you have it...your breakfast!!!! Anyway, I really wanted to belanja the medic for doing such a professional job but as a true professional, he declined. Next was the ECG test where they stuck me with small balloon-like objects that left little red marks after it was taken out. Macam the Creature from Frankenstein dah! (BTW, contrary to most people's belief, Frankenstein is the name of the person who created the Creature and not the Creature itself.) Well, that was a couple of months back.

Back to the stool test. Hmmm...macam mana nak collect ni? Gua tanya MO dah and suggested that he come out with a Standing Instruction on how to collect one's stool! Tak kan nak let go atas botol yang kecik tu kan? Bersememeh kawan tu nanti! Anyway, I had a game of tennis with my brother, Boboy and cousin, Fauzi later that evening and asked Boboy, who was a medic in his NS days, how to collect one's stool sample. Ah...one should use the squatting toilet bowl and do it on the ceramic. Then one just scoops up one's stool and voila! stool collected! Sounds simple but nowsaday ah seldom got house got squatting toilet one... So how? Suffice to say, I managed, after much effort to collect my own stool. That has to be a defining moment in one's life!!! Nak tahu in more detail, we'll talk over breakfast, lunch or dinner?!?! ;)